英语剧本3人版短剧搞笑

《新梁祝外传》旁白：话说梁山伯和祝英台三年前一同来到刚刚成立的武汉新东方书院学习英语。梁山伯酷爱口语师从口语老师邓大付学习美国口语，尤其擅长模仿马丁?路德?金的演讲。(旁白暂停，邓英文“I have a dream ”)。祝英台一心梦想出国，梦想有朝一日成为BBC主持人(旁白暂停，祝英文“this is BBC….)最终祝英台以托福和GRE高分的成绩被哥伦比亚大学录取。在祝英台临走的那一天，梁山伯十八里相送在天河机场与祝英台缠绵告别。L: Yingtai ，I love you so much and I’ll miss you so much.!Z: I love you, too! Don’t worry. Shanbo I only love you in this wild world. I’ll marry you as soon as I’m back. Wait for me just for two : I’ll kiss you across the Pacific : I’ll kiss you from the other side. Wait for me. BoBo旁白：一周以后，祝英台从美国打来越洋电话。L:Oh, Sweetie, Yintai I miss you so much, miss you every minute every second. Oh my dear. Are you listening to me?Z: Listen, Liang Shanbo. I’m calling to tell you that I loved you. But I think you’d better find a better : What? Pardon?Z: Because I’ll get : Married ? to who?Z: To 英俊潇洒风流倜傥玉树临风的Ma Wencai.. He is so handsome. So rich, even richer than Yu Minhong. And he is good at 葵花宝典。I love his money and I love his : What are you talking about? You wait and see. I’ll give you some color to see see. I’ll kill you! I will kill you in America!Z: America? You can come to America? Hahahaha旁白：祝英台的无端背叛深深伤害了梁山伯脆弱的心灵，他发下毒誓：不杀祝英台誓不为人。于是重新来到新东方书院学习托福和GRE。当然他没有忘记用老生证可以优惠20块钱。为了能飞越重洋去杀掉祝英台，他每天提醒自己有一个梦想。I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and lives out the true meaning of its creed:We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal. I have a dream that one day I will kill Zhu Yingtai right in America. It is a dream that deeply rooted in my heart. In my heart.旁白：一年之后，梁山伯也来到了美国，四处寻找祝英台的下落。终于在纽约街头找到他当年的爱人祝英台，而她正和马文才卿卿我我。L:Zhu Yingtai, long time no see, huh? Who am I ? I’m Liang Shanbo. I’m here to kill : Liang….shanbo. Oh, Wencai. He is crazy. He will kill : You! Get out of : You! Get out of here!M: 电话来了。Hello, I’m in wuhan. Ok ok I’ll come right nowZ: Please don’t go. Just stay, please. He’ll kill : I know! But if I stay, he’ll kill me by the way..Z: You told me you were good at 葵花宝典?M: Sorry, I’m not good at 葵花宝典. I’m just good at 新华字典。Z: Oh,you liar. Just get out of here!! (to Liang Shanbo) Oh,darling, you must kill me?L: Yes, I have to. Because I hate you more than I can : (sing)When we were young, we listened to the MP三, you said you’d love me forever. Don’t kill me,ok? Shanbo. I qiu qiu ni..L: No door! (sing) Where you go, whatever you say, I’ll be right here killing you. I only know I was born to love you or to kill you. Now I can’t love you, the only choice is to kill : 曾经Once upon a time, there was a true love in front of me, I didn’t cherish I was to meet him again, I wish to say I love you. If you would ask me how long I would love him, I should say ten thousand years. That man is you The only man I love in this wild world is you. Only you.(sing)L: The only woman I want to kill is on-ly you!!Z: Please, you know I love you. I love you just like laoshu ai dami. I want to marry : hehehe Really?Z: Oh, of course. Please don’t kill me!!!!L: To kill or not to kill is a question. I don’t know. Who can tell me? I put her life in your hands. Everybody here, please tell me kill or not kill?(to kill)L: You hear this. I ‘m sorry. But don’t worry , I’ ll go to heaven together with : All right kill me, then we’ll become two butterflies in the beautiful garden(sing)(sing)Z: 亲爱的你别杀我本杀了我你也没有好结果L： 亲爱的我也不想杀可是大家非得要我杀

三人英语搞笑话剧剧本

话剧指以对话为主的戏剧形式。下面是我为你带来的三人英语搞笑话剧剧本 ，欢迎阅读。

3人短剧，简单有趣，每人不超过10句话，并且都是很简单的话，经理只有一句词，但是还比较有水平。由一个笑话改编。

最后结果出人意料，其实是服务生误解了顾客。

C,the customer.

W,the waiter.

M,the manager.

In the restaurant.

W:What can I do for you,sir?

C:Beijing Roast Duck,Tomato and Egg 's all.

W:A moment.

W:Yours,sir.

C:Thank you.

C:Waiter.

W:Yes?Sir.

C:How can I have the soup?

W:I'm 'll change it for you.

W:Here your .

C:Thank you.

C:waiter!

W:Sir.

C:How can I have the soup?

W:'m terribly change it in a second.

C:'m sorry for the is the soup.

W:OK.

C:Waiter!!

W:Sir?

C:Call your manager,please.

M:I'm sorry,sir,but what's wrong with the soup?

C:How can I have the soup without a SPOON?

人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒

J：沙僧

B：白骨精（何平） B1：B变成的`村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头

T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?

S: Bajie,map!

E: (摸出，递给S)

S: Look,boss (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）

T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!

E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)

T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west

E: But……

T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?

E: (递)…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.

S: Fat Pig!

E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….

S: You will what(凶相)?

E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).

S: Hm!

T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?

E: You see , boss is hungry,too!

T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..

T: Em…….It is a you have any idea?

S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）

J: This is…..?

S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!

T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!

S: Bye!(走)

T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》

B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)

B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?

J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.

B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!

T: Bomb?(打出)

B1: Double King!

T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)

S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)

B1: （倒)Ah……

T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!

S: She is a monster!

T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)

S: Oh,please don’t……

T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)

S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)

T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!

B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆)

B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?

T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡)

S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)

E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)

J: Look,(伸食指)how many?

T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)

B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊)

S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)

T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives!

S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!

T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!

S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》

J: boss, brother Monkey is.......

T: Don't mention that guy any more!

B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)

T: （惊）You are......

B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)

B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......

S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.

T: Wukong?

E: Oh,Brother Monkey!

J: Our hero is back!

T: I,I can't understand......What happened?

S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!

T: How,how did you find out?

S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)

T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声)

S: What?

T: I'm sorry.

S: Em? Louder,please?

T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏）

(谢幕)

Three visits to the cottage 主要人物：诸葛亮、诸葛家仆人（朱不亮）、刘备、关羽、张飞、旁白（同时操作电脑） 旁白： Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐） is a story from one of the Four Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms. ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history. Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser. Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom. Now，let’s go into the story. 第一幕 屋子中，诸葛亮在屋里走着， 诸葛亮：Buliang，this classroom is so dirty，猪不亮扫地，送水（营养快线） 三兄弟上场，关羽（头巾），刘备（墨镜），张飞（不停打嗝） 刘：饭后一支烟，赛过活神仙 A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.（伸手，张飞点烟，刘深吸一口，长舒一口气） 刘：嗯？没点着 En? It dosen’t burn on. 张飞：凑合着吧，老师不让抽烟 Sorry，we can only has can’t smoke in the classroom! 关羽：此番前来，定要邀请的卧龙先生 We must invite Geliang! 张飞：必须的，老曹太欺负人了 Certainly, bully us too much. 三人来到门前，石头剪子布 刘备：According to our custom？ 关羽：OK. 张飞：No problem. 刘备三人进行石头剪子布，刘备输了，其余两人把刘备推到前面。 刘备作出一幅英勇就义的姿态，（上海滩响起） 刘备作按门铃状，（门铃声响起）。 诸葛亮：Bu liang（不亮）, go to open the door. 仆人：Heng!(哼) 仆人板着个脸到了门口，做了一个甩头的动作，并呼啦呼啦头发，然后深呼吸，放平稳，保持微笑。然后打开门，举了个躬。 仆人：안녕하세요(发音a ni ha sai yao~~~，中文意思：你好) 刘备：Can you speak English? 关羽：（紧接着刘备）Can you speak Chinese? 张飞：（紧接着）Can you speak Japanese? 历史老照片不能说的秘密慈禧军阀明末清初文革晚清刘备：（紧接着）Spanish? 关羽：（紧接着）Congolese? 张飞：（紧接着）Egyptian? 仆人：（紧接着）Shut up! Who are you people? 刘备：(摆个pose)I’m Liubei. 关羽：(也摆个pose)I’m Guanyu. 张飞：(同样摆个pose，把关羽碰倒了)I’m Sorry. 刘备三人赶紧把仆人扶起来。 猪不亮：你们怎么来的啊 What do you three take to come here? 张飞：骑马来的啊，做骑马状 Riding a horse ,of course. 猪不亮：那你们怎么骑马来的啊？ So,How do you riding a horse? 三人面面相觑，猪不亮关门 刘备突然明白了，“money！！” 张飞关羽耸肩都没带钱，下台 第二幕 三兄弟上台，张飞关羽手提礼品 关羽猥琐的说:这次应该可以了吧，上次也怨我们 I think we’ll manage it this time. 张飞：啥啊，如果你不是拉着我，老子一嗓子吼死他（做咆哮状，老虎声音） What? If you don’t pull me,I will easily kill him with my strong throat! 刘备：行了，行了，我们来干啥来了 稍息。。。立正。。。（张飞关羽照做） Stop,stop,What are we doing here? At ease!—Attention! 刘备：都给我机灵点（张飞关羽点头答应） You three! Be clever this time! 屋子中„„ （英文歌，诸葛亮和猪不亮正喝酒，猪不亮哼着英语歌，他两个喝醉了） 诸葛亮：MY GOD！！上天你为什么这么惩罚我 My God!! Why do you punish me?! 猪不亮：老大别难过，班长杨超不也没过吗 Don’t be sad,my boss. As I know,our monitor does’t pass the examination. 诸葛亮：我的四级考试啊，开始哭．．． What？our monitor does’t pass the examination？But，My English cet band 4 also losed··· （换背景音乐，猪不亮跟着哭，门铃响，猪不亮醉醺醺的摇摇晃晃去开门） 猪不亮：谁啊 Who’s this? 张飞：收水费的 I come here to charge the bill of electricity （开门，三人一脸嬉笑） 刘备：我们又来了，麻烦小弟通报一下 We are here again,bother to notice your boss. （猪不亮四下环顾，把礼品接过来了） （屋子里传来悲伤的气息，张飞和关羽抹眼泪） 张飞：怎么突然一阵感伤涌上心头（自言自语） I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart.. 关羽：请问卧龙先生在家吗，我们想见一下（SEE） Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a talk with him ,please. 猪不亮：吟诗，见与不见。。。 （你见，或者不见我 It’s doesn’t matter if you see me or not 我就在那里 I am standing right there 不悲不喜 With no emotion 你念，或者不念我 It’s doesn’t matter if you miss me or not 情就在那里 The feeling is right there 不来不去 And it isn’t going anywhere 你爱或者不爱我 It’s doesn’t matter） （猪不亮转身关门，站不稳） 刘：What?！！ 张飞：是不是家里死人了，下次再来吧 I’m afraid some-one important of him died here. Let’s go. Maybe we should come next time. 关羽：希望死的不是诸葛亮 Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang does’t die„ （关羽，刘备打张飞，下台。。） 第三幕 （诸葛亮和猪不亮玩三国杀，背景音乐，术语） （诸葛亮又赢了） 猪不亮：老大你真NB You are the man ! 诸葛亮：那是，你不想想我是干什么的，我打算过了年就去找刘备，找份工作 Hum！That’s a piece of cake. And I think I should go to Liu Bei’s corporation to find a job after Spring Festival. 猪不亮：你想去刘备那里？？ What? You said you wanna to go to Liu Bei’s company? 诸葛亮：嗯，那里用不着英语 En...That’s a good place in which I need not speak English. 猪不亮：前几天他来过了，让我赶跑了 But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago. 门铃响。。 猪不亮：说来就来了 Speak of the devil and he doth appear. （三兄弟，大跨步的走进来，诸葛亮一见到很激动） 诸葛亮：大哥，想死我了（拥抱）你带我走吧 Boss! I ached for you so much, please help me! 刘备：镇定镇定，既然兄弟这么看得起我，那咱们就一起大干一场吧 Be calm. Since you trust me so much, let’s go and do it! （出发。。） 诸葛亮：大哥等等，那。。那，一月多少钱啊 Wait,wait...My boss, uh, how much will.. I get.. from you then. 张飞：（恐吓状）兄弟之间不谈钱，谈钱多伤感情，（拎着诸葛亮就走） It hurts feelings when it comes to money! （猪不亮在后面拿着包袱，大喊） 猪不亮：带上我吧，（走路（小沈阳状）） Oh, Please take me away. 闭幕。。。。

荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the I太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?阿三： II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me?荆轲Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?太子丹晕倒荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?荆柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say ., she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!Action Ш（《大话西游》主题曲响起）荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:"I promise."荆轲:"Never let go. “妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.想要更多百度消息说