小涛涛偶巴
英语剧剧本：搞笑英语剧：三笑三 （漆表演） 场介绍： Ladies and gentlemen,let me introduct the actor. The first is zhaoyun,he is the most actor his black brother zhangfei ,and there boss liubei .don't forgot the other side Mr cao,and his adviser JiangGan,and the most strong XiaHou last,don't forget who behind the scenes ME----the Director. 第幕：物赵云 夏侯惇 曹操 蒋干 旁白：刚才久黑汉曹操军救刘备刘阿斗现向杀张飞（赵云场）Not too long ago,a black general saved the son of LiuBei ,Liu A is coming. His name is Zhangfei. 赵云：no本姓赵名云乃山龙 no! my family name is zhao my middle name is yun and my given name is zilong ~ （赵云背拿坨布代表阿斗） 赵云：看主公点骨血刘阿斗我火场救我自脸却早已……唉……化作焦炭（顾影自怜状）look! this is the last blood of the boss ! liu e dou . i took him out from the fire ,but my face hane already ...ai ~. （夏侯敦挺着枪呈猫腰状杀） 夏侯敦：贼莫跑要我杀戒（冲） Children stop there or i will kill you （赵云左手抱阿斗右手与搏斗） 赵云：恶居敢偷袭我fuck,!! you bitch dare to attack me ?? （二装腔作势打斗数招） 赵云：看我九阴白骨爪stop!! wait!!! one two three... nine dark white bone fingers!! 夏侯敦：唔（倒） oh my gad i'm over 赵云：宜久留快寻主公（）yeah~ bitch i will go to look for my boss , goodbye~ （曹操、蒋干二） 曹操：没想我初兵便杀敌望风逃真谓师未捷身先死使英雄泪满襟 I didn't expect that we can beat the enemy with our first attack. It reminds me of a poem, "Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. Long the hero Tearful" 蒋干：丞相您说真见吉利 Prime minister,It does not sound good about what you have said; （曹操险些夏侯敦绊倒） 曹操：咦谁扔西瓜皮（转身看见倒夏侯敦）Huh? Who threw the banana rind? 曹操：夏侯卿难道搞行艺术Do not Xiahou Dun? Is he engaged in what is called performance art? （蒋干前夏侯敦顿拍打二站起） 曹操：夏侯卿何要装西瓜皮Why do you want to install banana rind on the ground? 夏侯敦：脸黑炭 手抱孩there is a very black people witha baby in his band 蒋干：敌保姆带孩it Is enemy's maid with a child in his arm. 曹操：呢What did you do? 夏侯敦：i i i…… i rushed to him and fight with him i'mfightting fightting fightting我 我…… 我冲与打斗 打 打 打 曹操：呢What then? 蒋干：丞相看夏侯军杀退敌 Prime minister, it is likely that general Xiahou has defeated the enemy 夏侯敦：唔唔（手势：指指门外右手作九随即作全身发冷状指向自衣服再指向曹操作爪击状） 曹操：呢 Then what happened? 夏侯敦：no no no I was defeated he used the nine cloud white bone finger ,it's so terrible （曹操、蒋干二夏侯敦拉起） 曹操：看敌应该没走远咱乘胜追击（慷慨状）It seems that the enemy should not go far. Let's run after them. 蒋干：候我真佩服丞相您乐观理……（赞同状） Sometimes I really admires prime minister very much about your optimistic psychology ...... 夏侯敦：唔唔唔唔~（抡起两拳作欲与敌搏斗状） （三） 第二幕:物：刘备 张飞 诸葛亮 赵云 （刘备、张飞、诸葛亮三） 旁白：刘备行军营外观看敌情~~~LiuBei and his team are looking something out of his military camp. 、 （诸葛亮走前面张飞、刘备二紧跟其） 诸葛亮：（转）主公啊按理说您走先啦（恭敬状）old liu ah,you should walk in front of us! Is not it? 刘备：啦军师您身块荫凉躲避避暑错Noit's very cool that I stand just behind youI can avoid summer heat 诸葛亮：（眺望状）主公我所料错现马要雨liu ah,come here! I tell you a secret! I think it is about to rain! 刘备：先神算所及知先何知道要雨great predictionNo one can compare with youjust wonder how do you know it's going to rain 诸葛亮：首先气预报说今雨；其（手指前）看边块黑云First,the weather report told us it is going to rain today;second,look at the sky,so many dark clouds are coming! （赵云） 张飞：哇龙啊想见龙换新桌面啊Ha! That is person who called long ah, I could not believe that you have changd a new tabletop without a minute! （张飞迎） 张飞：龙 long 赵云：翼德救我 help!!! brother three. （张飞） 赵云：主公云殊死力战保主许久见啼哭怕已经……（悲愤状取布包打并捧着） boss, i have trid my best to protect the little boss. but it have a long time to hear nothing. i am afraid... 赵云：kao没良居能睡着跟爹 oh ~ can the son of bitch get in like his father 刘备：咳咳 （赵云转身面向刘备） 诸葛亮：龙我说嘴少门总能啥实都往外说啊Zilong,not I tell you, although it is true,you should not say it out! （刘备怒视诸葛亮诸葛亮恍知赵云前阿斗递给刘备刘备捧着阿斗） 刘备：倒楣孩几乎损我员啊我留着赶啊我摔死吧because of youI almost lose a brave generalWhy do I keep you alivelet me kill you（阿斗摔） （赵云前准阿斗狂踹数脚诸葛亮前拉住赵云始终作势欲踢诸葛亮用身体压住赵云走前脚阿斗踢飞） 旁白：今阿斗智力便现明显发育迟缓……This is why liu a dou is so foolish that lost his country. 赵云：咦见关二哥呢 yi ~~ where is brothe two GuanYu? 刘备：二弟昨军师摆八卦阵冲撞马候闪着腰现休养呢：He layout the BaGuaZhen for military adviser yesterday, but when he rushed out , he get his waist twisted, now he stay in bed. 诸葛亮：哎太糟糕看我健康健壮告诉喝三鹿奶粉（自恋状）Oh,It is so bad! Look at me,so healthy,so strong!tell him to drink more sanlu milk powder! 赵云：给孩喝（走前抚摸诸葛亮做怜惜状） so you drink to be a foolish? 曹操（台）：啊~（惨烈） 刘备：难道三弟重操旧业咱快看看Did zhangfei return to one's former career Go to see what happen? （三） 第三幕： 物 张飞 曹操 夏侯 蒋干 刘备 诸葛亮 旁白：间拨三钟前张飞战坂坡……Go back to three minutes before the time set asidezhangfei fight with caocao's army on changbanpo （张飞台转圈京剧拿柱般亮相定格） 曹操蒋干：嘿嘿嘿嘿（奸笑） 夏侯敦：唔唔唔唔……（奸笑） （三奸笑台）代写剧本 至美.jiaokedu中国 张飞：哇火腿肠拉 Wa!You, The hot dog, come back ! 夏侯敦：我靠黑黑都牛x我怕 black man come again Blacks are very powerfuli'm afaid 曹操：阁何何竟美妙声音Excuse me. May I know your name? What a wonderful voice you have! 张飞：我便燕（yān）张翼德（咬牙）I am Zhang Yide from jingdu! (clenches teeth) 曹操：阉原太监……夏侯敦解决 You are the so called coward,aren't you?xiahou,beat it! （夏侯敦低猫腰冲） 夏侯敦：唔唔~唔 （二打起）（定格） 蒋干：丞相仗咱必输桥断水倒流呢快叫夏侯军吧 Prime minister, we must have lose this Campaign , the bridge will also cut off the water soon!Let's call Xiahou general to get down quickly 曹操：知道How dou you know it? 蒋干：《真三双叁》坂任务啊 "Really,it is the game's duty of Three countries Unparalleled Three"!! 曹操：干啊我看太沉迷于中国络游戏既浪费间海身体听丞相句吧珍命远离三俗啊 I think you are too addicted to online games. What a waste of time, and It's harmful,listen to me ,You must take good care of yourself. （张飞与夏侯敦二继续张飞枪击夏侯敦） 夏侯敦：oh my gad i am over again打败 （蒋干前夏侯敦拖） 曹操：唉今世道变太监都厉害啦 Why does that coward become so brave? 张飞：曹贼听着今汝等必能桥 cao ,stops talking! Today you all can't pass this bridge with a live one! 曹操：汝休猖狂今要我手典韦身死许诸拉稀于禁肺炎李典麻疹文聘肝癌张辽痔疮才输给shut up!If general dianwei was still alive,We would not be defeated! 张飞：手终究用啊面景请我真想赋诗首——Nobody may go to battle for you ,Facing this scenery,i really want to sing a , on ......On ......（音乐起）only you ~~~~~only……you…… （夏侯敦跃起） 夏侯敦：唔唔唔……（手捂耳跑） 曹操：啊（惨厉叫声并手捂耳） 蒋干：啊（惨厉叫声并手捂耳） 曹操：难道传说门尔松c调《鬼叫》协奏曲何震撼（惊惶状）Why is this so shocking! 蒋干：（手指张飞）快看丞相桥断水始倒流啦（转身手捂耳） Look, Prime minister! The bridge broke! The water also starts to flow backwards（音效：山崩裂声） 曹操：aaaaaaaaaa（痛苦吐血状）（定格） （诸葛亮、刘备、赵云三） 诸葛亮：别唱啦再唱曹操给唱死啦Do not sing more,ok?if you go on singing,CaoCao will die because of your song! 刘备：三弟快打住（手捂耳）Stop,stop（手捂耳） 张飞：only you ~~~~~only……you……（余音绝） 刘备：龙快三弟扛Zilongcarry zhangfei back quickly 赵云： ok （赵云前手捂住张飞嘴扛走张飞依旧唱停） （张飞、赵云二） 旁白：首歌传唱至今 经久衰叫做：only you~~~~ since then, a song becomevery very name is 《Only You》.(歌声再响起众谢幕~~
8668神淡淡
Little Red Riding Hood 第一场：Little Red Riding Hood家 Mum： (妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里） Little Red Riding Hood唱着歌，欢快地跑进来）Hi,mummy, what are you doing? Mum： （一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma. Little Red Riding Hood：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok! Mum： （亲切地看着Little Red Riding Hood说） Be good. Be careful. Little Red Riding Hood： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy. Mum： Bye-bye. Darling. 第二场：在路上 (一阵轻快的音乐由远而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎着篮子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁) Little Red Riding Hood： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! （放下篮子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers. Wolf：（随着一阵低沉的音乐，Wolf大步地走上台）I am wolf. I am hungry. (做找东西状,东张西望) Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going? (做狡猾的样子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼) 字串6 Little Red Riding Hood：(手摸辫子，天真地回答)To Grandma’s．Grandma is ill. Wolf：（自言自语）I’ ll eat Grandma. But……（对Little Red Riding Hood说）Hey, look! 6 little baby ducks. Little Red Riding Hood：(和6只鸭子随着音乐翩翩起舞) Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大树后） Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby ducks，how are you? Six Ducks：We’ re fine．Thank you． Where are you going? Little Red Riding Hood：To Grandma’s．Oh, I must go, bye. Six Ducks：Goodbye． 第三场：Grandma家 Grandma： （喘着气出场，颤颤悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床边，喘了几口，打几个哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。） Wolf：（从树后出来，边走边说）I am very hungry now. (做找寻的样子)Where is Grandma’ s house? (高兴地对观众说)Aha , it’s here.(敲门)Bang, Bang, Bang． Grandma： Who is it？ Wolf：（装出Little Red Riding Hood的声音，一边得意地摇动尾巴，一边说）It’s me. Little Red Riding Hood. Grandma： (边说边起床) Come in, come in. 字串9 Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床边) Grandma , I’ll eat you. Grandma： （惊慌失措地抓紧衣服，瞪着眼睛，边叫迫从床上滚到地上） 灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。 Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翘起大拇指）Yummy！I’ll sleep. Little Red Riding Hood：(高兴地敲门)Grandma．Grandma． Wolf：(装扮成Grandma的声音) Who is it？ Little Red Riding Hood：It’s me。Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise! Wolf：Come in， Come in. Little Red Riding Hood：(蹦跳着进来，把篮子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回几步)Oh! What are big ears! Wolf：I can listen to your sweet voice. Little Red Riding Hood：Wow! What a big eyes! Wolf：I can see you pretty face. Little Red Riding Hood：Oh! What a big hand. Wolf：I can hug you. Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，边摸边说）Look! What a big hands? Wolf：(从床上跳起来说)I can eat you! Little Red Riding Hood：(拼命地跑)Oh！No! No! 字串2 Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃状，拍拍肚子说）It’s delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping. Hunter： (一边拿着枪，一边做寻找状出场)Where’s the wolf? Look! A door．(推门)The wolf is sleeping. Wolf：(发出呼呼的响声) Hunter： (端起枪想打，又放下)What a big stomach! (摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry．(从桌子上拿起剪刀，举起) Look! Scissors. (做剪Wolf的肚子)Cut, cut, cut. Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma：Thank you． Hunter： Grandma ,give me some needles and thread． Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones． Grandma： (从桌子上拿来针线) Little Red Riding Hood：(搬来几个石头)One, two, three. Hunter： (把小石头装进Wolf的衣服里) Grandma： I’ll thread it. Hunter： (拿起枪)Woke up! Wolf：(起床，两手托着大肚子)My stomach is so heavy. Hunter： You big bad wolf, raise your arms! Wolf：(边跑边说) Help! Don’t shot me! Hunter： （开枪）Bang, bang! Wolf： (应声倒下) Hunter： The bad wolf is dead． Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma：Yeah! Thank you． Little Red Riding Hood、Grandma、Hunter（一起鞠躬）: Thank you 可以改编~名曰：小红帽与灰太狼
小二2004
搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿旁白道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .Birds are dancing in the cold .A man is walking along the street ,step by step .Wind is coming in mysterious man approaches .Y与X相遇．X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !Y:, Never mind me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?X:惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!X:No, I must kill you !Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me!X:Pardon!(Y拿出一袋牛奶)X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?Y:please drink it!X喝完牛奶:Thanks,Y:Do you still want to kill me ?X:Sure, must! Milk is (恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?X:I’m sure I won’t!Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1!X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach !Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit （一人路过，x起身跑过去）X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!X:Thanks, (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼)Y:Who are you?H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !Y:You are right !H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my king,he will give what you ’s very , follow me, Let’s go to see my king!第二幕：无间道H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is down plese, me,I have a you give me what I want just if I follow you?King:yes,I ’s good. Can you give me a MM ?K:of are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……Y:of course.美女出场M:hello，帅锅..K: this is let’s have a 走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?Y: Yes,I : Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for 冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!X:Forgive you? Why ?Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”!Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Y又拿出一袋牛奶)X:milk?I love ’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(X上去抓住K)K:Fuck you. I must kill you!X:How can you kill me? haha……Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑到西门吹雪身边）Y :do you want to go to wc?X:Yes,I……I…… , the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond : you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away ! K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with 惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Xwill 扑倒在X的身边：X,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and tomorrow is a good beginning !K:what a moving story ! I was impressed !Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，K吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停)（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .X:go home ! ?M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our : promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let I promise . I will never let go（X死） ,M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !—来自于网络
“哦——!”怎么回事?为什么五(1)班教师这么热闹?原来，老师布置给了大家一个作业，让大家在周末拍一张照片，谁的最新奇，谁的就最好!同学们个个摩拳擦掌，兴奋不已
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